Monday, May 9, 2011

Monday Musings: Signs of the Coming Apocalypse Edition

Apparently the Apocalypse is May 21. The Bible guarantees it, according to billboards I’ve seen all around Boston. I always wonder if threats of coming Judgment Day actually work. For every person who figures the end is coming and they’d better find Jesus, there’s someone else out there thinking, “Man, last chance for sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll!”

 
But maybe the Apocalypse actually is coming. When you look back at history, you see the same trends when civilizations start falling apart: decadence, frivolity, superficiality, rich getting richer and poor getting poorer, cults of celebrity, grandiose schemes built on air, foreign military adventures, and poor diets. There are certainly plenty of signs out there, to wit:
  • Two words: Donald Trump
  • Actually four words: Donald Trump. Sarah Palin. If these two aren’t devils sent to tempt people to the dark side, I don’t know what they are…
  • Parents buying $3000 prom dresses for their children
  • A woman quitting her job to attend the royal wedding
  • Charlie Sheen having more Twitter followers than anyone else
  • For hockey fans, the fact that the Boston Bruins made the Stanley Cup semi-finals and the Vancouver Canucks are close means that something isn’t normal with the cosmos.
  • Tsunamis, earthquakes, tornados, floods – Since global warming is a myth, these must be signs of a vengeful God.
Beers at my place on May 21!

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